Your comments and encouragement from my last post meant a lot! Thank you all! I read all of your comments twice..maybe more!
Thank you for letting me share part of my story. I will not post about this struggle all of the time. I refuse to have a pity party or sound like a victim on here. That is not my intent. My goal is to connect with you and grow closer to God. For the last year, I made a poor choice to isolate my feelings about our journey to start a family. I have realized how destructive that has been for us. God has been merciful to me, and showed me where I was wrong. I allowed my struggle to become a stronghold in a strange way. I withdrew myself from people and from things I really loved. I felt, and still do at times, deeply insecure about it all. I thought that if I kept it hidden and locked away that people wouldn't see my pain. As I continued to lock up my pain, that is when I started to believe a bunch of lies about myself. It was a war going on inside my heart and mind.
My walk with God has meant everything to me. I realized though that I didn't know how to worship God and love Him when he wasn't giving me a child, a child I wanted so desperately! I don't mean that disrespectfully at all, because God is worth worshipping just because of who HE is! He is enough! But, its one thing to sing about it and the next to really live it out. I am glad my relationship with God has grown deeper. During the deepest hurts he is building a faith that will last.
Ok, well..I didn't mean to go so deep into that again. But I want to end with this....I loved watching the Miners get rescued! I couldn't stop crying or smiling when I watched them come up one by one. It was so awesome to see this happy ending! I can't identify with being trapped under ground for 70 days. But I found myself so moved by the story. Not to sound corny here...but I believe its because I am in need of rescue too. Not from a mine but from myself. And God just happens to be the ultimate rescuer! I have decided that instead of locking up my pain that I will run to the God who rescues! May you do the same.
Love to you-